BELLE MORAH: Bolder: Tell Your Story

BELLE MORAH: Bolder: Tell Your Story

It's not Love!

The word Love is one of the most  misused words in existence. For centuries, men have searched for the meaning of love but even great philosophers with their esoteric definitions were unable to fully touch its true essence.

Love is a word that every human tries to/have tried to identify with at different stages of their lives, irrespective of age. It is a word that has severally been misconceived and misapplied.
The word Love can be so efficacious and overwhelming. Its one single word that can evoke even the most extreme of emotions;  excitement,  enthusiasm, anger, fury or wrath.
To different people it means different things.To some, it brings light, hope and treasured memories, while to others it's infuriating and means nothing but pain and disappointment.
Many say that love doesn't exist, some say it's for the weak minded. I think that's cynical anyway.
Ancient Greece has four distinct words for love; agapé,  eros,  Philla,  storge.
Thus, the four categories of love

Storge (Affection)

This is family love, characterized by the display of affection. eg the bond existing between siblings or between mother and Child.
Lewis,  CS described storge as natural (in that it presents without coercion) and emotive (in that it results in fondness due to familiarity)

Eros (Erotic love or Romantic love)

Physical passionate love with sensual desires and urges. It is based on strong feelings. Erotic love alone is based on self benefit and is deficient and fragile. It may not last very long except if it's tested by hardships,  then it can progress to a higher form.

Phillia (mental love)

Close friendship or brotherly love.  It's a higher form than eros because it involves mutual sacrificing.
Friendship is the foundation of every successful relationship and marriage.

Agapé (Unconditional Love)

The highest and deepest form of love. It is selfless; gives and expects nothing in return. Whether it is acknowledged/appreciated or not, the person keeps on loving.  This is the love one shows to a spouse when he/she is being unfair, stops caring, cheats, maltreats or even abuses the partner yet that partner remains faithful,  caring, loving and keeps on praying for the erring spouse.

It's interesting to note that these forms of love were all acknowledged and represented in the bible.
Storge can be seen in the love of Joseph for his brothers, and love of Mary and Martha for their brother Lazarus. (John 11: 21-22)
Eros love is portrayed in songs of Solomon. In Christianity, the expression of this love is only permissible in marriage.
Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:9   "....but if they cannot control themselves they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion"

By passion he means the sensual desires and urges of erotic love.

Philia is the brotherly love that Paul exhorts us to exhibit to our fellow christians (Romans 12:10)
Agapé is the love that God has for us which made him sacrifise his only son.
It encompasses all forms of love.  It's the form of love that God himself is identified with.
Agapé defines the very nature of God. For God is Love. ( 1 John 4:7-8)

Genuine love is summarised as thus;

Love is patient, Love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love doesn't delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
(1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Many a times,  people have confused love with lust, with various  forms of deceptions and self centered emotions. How can these things be confused with the real meaning of love which is so glaring.
When someone i'v met or known  for a while says "I love you" I don't have to ask "do you really mean it ?" Because  it's something I should have known already.
Love is obvious in the way someone talks to you, they way they treat you, react to you, and respond to things that concern your life.
Love is shown in how people rate you, and where they've placed you in their hearts and lives.

What we call love ain't love at all because love shouldn't hurt or harm.

Love is not, sharing your close friend's secret with the whole world, or using the information to plot his/her downfall.
It is not keeping a record of all wrong done to you, waiting for the right moment to strike with revenge.
It's also not it, when you broadcast your charity to a friend in need.
With love, you don't intentionally say stuff that will hurt other people's feelings.
Love is not telling a hungry friend that you have just a packet of noodles whenyou actually have a carton under your bed.
Love is not telling your poor parents back home that you are suffering €€€and dont have a dime to send to them, wheras you are living in luxury and spendng lot of money on your numerous girlfriends.
It's not borrowing when you have it in mind that you'll never return.
Love is not, engaging someone when you have no intention to marry that person.
Love is not, telling your partner that he/she must give you his/her body for the relationship to continue,  nor is it telling her that she must get pregnant to prove her fertility ( and for the guys to prove their sterility) before you decide to marry.
Love is not telling your fiancé that you are a virgin when you've had four abortions and maybe a child in the village.
Love is not trying to drain his bank accounts because he asked you out or proposed marriage.
Love is not violent
Love is not what you have if fear grips you each time your spouse or partner comes around you because you don't know what next he'll do to you.
Love doesn't see two best friends and tries to destroy them for selfish interests.
Love wouldn't do anything that'll put tears of pain  in your eyes.

Love is the greatest of all commandments.
It's not so easy loving genuinely.  The easier way to learn to love people is first fill your heart with the love of God and His Word, then gradually you'll learn to love and tolerate people around you and in your lives.


by Chioma